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Submitted on
April 22, 2013
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There's that postal service sound, 
blunt dental tools on rotten nerve endings.
Continuing this communion wafer 
correspondence. Has become as natural
as air travel.

Fluid as tar.
Changeable as underwear. 
The lace kind that stains. 

Aerosol burns are more warming.

I'd take the intimacy of punishment
(you've told me how well I take it...)
over the hollowness in his absence. 

Worse than the dysphoria of watching 
another rental car pull away, 
the phantom scent of your overpriced soap,
the days I convince myself I could detox you
from my very fucking plasma.


Repentant? relapsed? Never recovered. 
This is a co-dependent correspondence.
Though I know that you can just.
Stop. 








  






Trying a sort of change of style but don't really know how well it worked.

Comments very much appriciate.
Critique adored.
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:iconoakandacorn:
OakAndAcorn Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2013
I got a distinct setting and scent with this. Nicely done. :clap:
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:iconpickled-poppy:
Pickled-Poppy Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you very much indeed. 
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:iconalecbell:
AlecBell Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2013
It was a great pleasure to heard you read this piece last night, Megan. The resonance of your voice has coloured the words on the page :heart:
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:iconpickled-poppy:
Pickled-Poppy Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you so much Alec, I'm really happy you liked the reading.
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:iconalecbell:
AlecBell Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2013
:heart::love::heart:
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:iconralfmaximus:
RalfMaximus Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Yup. I've felt this exact sick/sad fever dream of missing somebody even when I know I shouldn't.
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:iconpickled-poppy:
Pickled-Poppy Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2013  Student Writer
It's awful isn't it?
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:iconralfmaximus:
RalfMaximus Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Soul destroying.
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:iconpickled-poppy:
Pickled-Poppy Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2013  Student Writer
Over it yourself?
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:iconralfmaximus:
RalfMaximus Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You never really get over it.

But in time it stops being a priority and other things accumulate atop to push it down. Soon you realize you never even thought about it for a day, then a week, then a month.

But given time and inclination, you can dig up the memories and discover the edges remain just as sharp.

Difference being: the memories don't control you anymore.
Reply
:iconpickled-poppy:
Pickled-Poppy Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you for that, it's helped more than you can know.
Reply
:iconhyalma:
Hyalma Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Hmm, this is a very interesting piece. You have a gift for imagery, I can tell you that. I especially like your choice of words in "Repentant? relapsed? Never recovered." All the r's, you see. :)
Overall, a very very good read!
Reply
:iconpickled-poppy:
Pickled-Poppy Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you so very much! I really worked on the imagery of this one so it's great to know someone liked it. :hug:
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:iconjamiemaguire:
JamieMaguire Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2013  Student Writer
In order to approach any poem, I believe one must first observe the aesthetics of its structure. The poem itself is comprised of broken streams and loose stanza's, and certainly at first glance appears to reject the traditional conventions of poetry. However, the symmetrical composition appears to be indicative of its central theme. This is further juxtaposed in the poems setting, a rather strange conception when taking into account the poem doesn't appear to have one. Yet does it? The poets use of unorthodox metaphors thread and weave to form not only memory, but perhaps also tangible settings where "postal service sound[s]" are heard, and "rental cars" may be seen. It could well be that this poem does adhere to an informal structure, one which is as fragile, and as vivid, as the poem itself.

However, the true essence of this poem may be found within its symbolism. The significance of Communion is evident throughout antiquity. It has been representative not only of the sacrifice made for our sins, but ultimately serves to highlight the fundamentally flawed relationship between man and God, in as much as the relationship can only be sustained through acts of forgiveness. However, in modern society the power embedded within the ritual has slowly began to diminish. The poem itself seems to resonate this sentiment, a relationship bound by "the intimacy of punishment." As each stanza proceeds another, slowly ebbing away at "the hollowness inherent in his absence". Yet there does seem to be a clinging to something - almost half hopeless, and half in love - and in spite of itself continues to partake in the dry Wafer of Communion. This brief, "co-dependent correspondence" almost seems to hang on the monotony of the ritual, one that can't recapture its former glory. What may be evident is that the author is quite alone, "phantom scent", and continues to live out the past, through the act of Communion.

In closing I wish to add that I decided to write this critique, firstly because you asked, and secondly because I was truly captured by this remarkable piece of literature. Please forgive any suppositions, incorrect or otherwise, that I may not of have had the right to venture. Anything I might of said that is not to your liking, I did so in a place far from my own comfort (traditional poetry), and with good intentions.

Otherwise good work and stunning use of metaphors.
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:iconpickled-poppy:
Pickled-Poppy Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2013  Student Writer
Oh my.
This is probably one of the finest compliments I have ever received. You've truly touched me.
You're incredibly accurate in your assumptions.

I really can't thank you enough for this.
Reply
:iconjamiemaguire:
JamieMaguire Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2013  Student Writer
Lol, I thought I went a little overboard to be honest but once I started, thought **uk it, just go for it!! But yeah great work seriously, I love how different your poetry is from mine.
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:iconpickled-poppy:
Pickled-Poppy Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2013  Student Writer
It was wonderful to read. x
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:iconalgetic96:
Algetic96 Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2013
I thought this was beautiful. I'm not 100% sure how to interpret it but, my guess is, this is written about someone you want to get away from but can't seem to because of some inter-dependence on one another? I like the change of style although I like your other styles as well. Point is, good job girl. Keep it up ! :w00t:
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:iconpickled-poppy:
Pickled-Poppy Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2013  Student Writer
That's one interpretation yes, and a very right one.
Thank you so much for your kind words.
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:iconalgetic96:
Algetic96 Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013
No problem Megan. I enjoyed reading, as always. :)
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